a IMPULSE
The stimulus that triggers it all. The first phase, that comes to me once a month without fail. It comes a surprise, something I was not expecting or rather wanting to happen. Something that disrupts the normal behavior of an invisible boundary layer around my life. It hits like a gust of sharp wind and shatters all laws of stability......
n EXPLOSION
BOOM! There it goes. An extremely loud and violent discharge of energy where I scream seamlessly at the top of my throat at everyone "I think" is responsible for the Impulse. This explosion, not only leaves everyone choking in the smoke, but it also leaves on them deep scars of distrust and dislike....
g SILENCE
The toughest part ! Its the stillness that follows every Explosion. Nothing moves or makes a sound. Time, suddenly stops and I find myself sitting in a dark and cold place, straining my ears to listen my own heartbeats. There is no one around and the guilt starts setting in, questions start emerging in dark shadows-Was it worth it ? Did I do anything wrong this time ? Wasn't the impulse too trivial to cause everything ? Haven`t I done it before and ended up all alone ? Isn't it going to happen again?
All the answers seem a simple yes except for the first question....
e COMPROMISE
So the Adrenalin heads back to the glands. With my Silenced head miles deep in guilt, I find out things. Things like-After all who is being affected most-me, of course; because its me who was, is and will be dependent on them. Strictly speaking, they don't need me-but still if they show no objection to me hanging around, it must be only out of fondness or pity perhaps. And every time they have their own right to make decisions that don't include me.
Realizing that I am not a part of the thrust, but the drag, I make a compromise-a settlement with my own self.....
r ABATEMENT
Its over! The final nullification. With a Compromised self, I stand up to put on the lights in my head. I then look around and find everything falling back into place. Although abated, a final healing is yet pending. I still need to go back and ask for forgiveness, which I know I will get-because they love me...and so do I...........
4 comments:
these 5 phases of anger always leads to some sort of destruction
so why not propose some remedies for them!![:P]
nice entry...
worth my bookmark and GReader share
somehow I fail to get the 4th phase... I don't feel that way
but hey! it's just you and me afterall we are talking about
doesn't matter, I daresay...
~$udhi :)
PS: nice layout, which changes according to the latest post. But don't write anything in white colour. I can't read a damn thing in my Google Reader
i just went thru hell an reading gave me sum kinda hope for myself... thank you..
Ran across this on Google. Thank you for taking your time to put that up; it's really helping me out right now. I exploded like crazy and have been doing so more lately because my marriage to an equally angry and sometimes violent person pisses me off. But reading that somehow may help me to think on how not to let things get to that point. We've both been awful mostly for letting this happen in front of two little kids. So again, thank you for giving a candid run-down of the anger phases and how they feel specifically to you, because it helps others.
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